Dec 20, 2013

Dear Alex,
     Today I woke up and tried to call you, but you didn't answer and I ended up putting my phone down somewhere and not knowing where I put it.  After that I went to school and we had a lock down, so my class watched Toy Story 3, and Despicable Me.  The stupid lock down lasted for 5 hours, until finally we were allowed to leave, but only after we had our bags searched.  After that I went over to Ana's house, and like I usually say Ana always scared me just a little bit because I am pretty sure she wants me, but maybe that is just me being conceded haha.  Well anyway, I am sorry I kept rubbing Ervin in your face, it's just I want the best for you, and I was you to do well in school and have nice things, so I try to put you and I get mad when I know you aren't trying as hard as you could be.  I hope you realize that and don't just think I'm being a bitch.  Love you goodnight.

Dec 15, 2013

Dear Baby,

     Last night after I devised a plan to get you back in my mother's good graces, you got to sleepover and I finally got to fall asleep in your arms again.  It was honestly the best night ever, and I slept like a rock. It kind of sucked that you had to leave this morning to go shovel, because I really wished we could have laid in bed cuddling forever!  After that we went to the mall, and while shopping I realized that you really do so much, just to see me happy, and will do whatever it takes to make me happy.  I know about the conversation you and my mom had but the truth is I just said that to make my mom happy.  I know you said you don't think we should stay together when I go to college, so it is kind of embarrassing to tell you this, but I thought you were serious when you said you would move to whatever town I went to school in and we would live together and that's what I had hoped would happen.  I love you so much and I know people say you are supposed to leave you past behind when you go off to school, but I don't want to leave you behind, I want to take you with me.  I don't want to start a new chapter in my life unless it involves you.  You are like my other half, and I always thought no matter what changes came about in life, me and you would be taking them on together....But maybe I was wrong since in the car you seemed so sure that we should go our separate ways when it's time for me to go off...Let me know what you think in your post.

Dec 14, 2013

1am regrets 

Dear Baby,

     Looking back there are so many things I really regret. Starting with all the times I fought with you, when I could have be spending that time showing you how much I truly love you.  I wish more then anything I could take back all the times I was mean to you, and picked fights with you over stupid meaningless shit, because honestly you are the best thing that ever happened to me, and you truly make me so incredibly happy, I should have been spending every moment I had with you being happy with you, not causing problems where there didn't need to be any.  Though I really regret all this, my biggest regret of all is not realizing all of this way sooner.  I spent so long complaining about you, I never took the time to appreciate all the things you did for me, like be there for me over and over again, even with my crazy family and crazy self, all you ever did was try to make me happy.  Stupid me though could never appreciate it, and now that you are gone I would do anything to just spend one more day just laying around watching cartoons with you, and just one more night cuddling with you, waking up at two in the morning and just laughing about the most random shit that no one else in the world would find funny, and then finally me getting tired and you rubbing my hair until I fall asleep in your arms.  If I ever get to have a moment like that again, I promise no matter what I wont waste on second fighting with you, and will spend every moment being so grateful that I was lucky enough to find the one person in this world that will be there for me no matter what, stick by me through thick and thin, and make me laugh, and just completely fill my heart with bliss.

December 12, 2013

Bathroom Blogger

Dear Alex,

     At the moment I am in the bathroom of my school writing this blog post.  I am currently supposed to be presenting a project we had weeks to work on.  But lovely me decided to spend her time in the computer lab making stupid videos with Ally and being on Facebook, instead of doing research for my project.  So I actually have no idea about what I am supposed to be talking about, so I am going to try to go back and bullshit my way through the whole thing.  Also I missed lunch today and didn't even get to eat because I brought my lunch (lucky charms) to my art class, and this fat girl next to me jumped up and tried to attack me for the lucky charms and was yelling "I JUST WANT A MARSHMALLOW!" So the teacher decided having food in class is a distraction.  Well I should probably go back to class now before the teacher thinks I am either skipping or having some sort of bathroom issue.  

Dec 11, 2013

IN CLASS

     Right now I am in class and we are learning about the French Revolution, which I already know everything about, so I am allowed to be on my laptop doing nothing.  Lately it has been tough not seeing you and the internet in my house is killing me.  I got my practice SAT (Not PSAT) score back and I did terrible. I got a 1450, which is so bad.  Thankfully I am doing the Kaplan course, though the Kaplan course involves a lot of homework that I really don't feel like doing.  Also I am reading Macbeth in english which I hate, but Lady Macbeth totally reminds me of my mother haha.  Also I actually went to jiu jitsu last night and honestly it was a lot of fun.  Today I am working from 3-9, so I wont be able to call you, but I will be missing you very much.  Hopefully I do better at my job today... I am going to try to make latte art at Seta's! Alright well I should probably start my Kaplan homework, but love you so much DUDE! hahaha.

Dec 9, 2013

Dear Baby,

     Today was long and extremely boring.  I thought about you a lot today and even though I am not supposed to because it distracts you, I still texted you while you were in school.  I think I am doing pretty well this term with my education and have a 90 in my chemistry class.  Also I decorated the house for christmas while my mother was out as a surprise for her.  Though she didn't really seem to care much.  Other then that my day wasn't so eventful, but you will be proud to know I actually attended jiu jitsu tonight.  I left 5 minutes early to try to call you but you didn't answer which was okay because I had gotten to Skype with you earlier, which honestly made my entire day.  Lately I've been slightly worried, because I have been in this situation before with Jon and what ended up happening is it got to be too hard and we both eventually moved on.  Maybe this time is different, because I'm not entirely sure my past "loves" really counted as loves...Truthfully I think you are the first guy I have ever loved this much, and would really be willing to wait for, for as long as it takes to be with you.  I keep picturing in my head how good you were putting the baby back to sleep, and it was honestly the cutest thing ever, and it made me think that maybe one day me and you will get married and have our own little baby and you will take such good care of it, like you did for that baby saturday night. We will have our own cute little apartment, and maybe a cat named Fredrick Lamar the second?  Just a thought...Alright well I think that is enough thinking for one night... Goodnight sweetheart, I am really glad we decided to do this, because I now get excited waiting for your post!  

Dec 8, 2013

Dear Baby,

     Today was okay, I went to my SAT class in the morning and was super spaced out the entire time. Every time I got called on I was so confused, and didn't know what was going on. I kept zoning off thinking about you, and cuddling with your warm body, and that sexy as fuck face you make. I miss you a lot and right now I am laying in bed hoping you will write in your blog tonight too, so I can read it! Well goodnight, love you lots. 

December 7, 2013

Two crying babies and one crying Ari

     Tonight I babysat two babies with Alex.  I was kind of nervous because Alex hates children, but it actually went a lot better then I expected.  He really bonded with the little boy we babysat, and when the boy wouldn't stop crying at night Alex was the only one out of both of us who could get him to calm down.  After the babies were asleep we cuddled for a while and I found out that even though Marii sent me all those horrible messages Alex still failed to defend me.  That just kind of made me feel like shit, because when I said something mean to Marii a while ago, Alex immediately jumped into his super man costume and defended her, and completely trashed me, but now that things were the other way around he couldn't even say something as simple as "Hey Marii, saying shit like that to my girlfriend is not cool."  Regardless at the end I just decided to say fuck it, because I really miss Alex so much and don't want to argue with him at all, because if we do I wont be able to call him and fix things, which means I will never be able to sleep.  We ended the night with a hug and a kiss, but I was a pretty big mess, because the Marii thing really hurt a ton.